15 January 2003
. : untitled
I looked upon the night's sky yesterday evening as I was walking home. A full moon is only days away. I would like to say It is nice to look up at the sky with no worries but that never happens. It hasn't happened to me. Sometimes I feel as though I am going to explode with all these emotions I keep inside. I try to find other ways to take my mind of things by either writing, reading, listening or making music but it doesn't work all the time. Sometimes it is too much to bear and I snap at the wrong person. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be mean to you. I'll just stay out of your way." So this depression of sorts started during the holiday season and hasn't left me since. I need to find someplace quiet where I could be alone and think things through. But where? It is so darn cold now which makes sitting in my backward ruminating over things difficult. I really need to get some things off my chest. I need to muster up the courage to tell a certain someone how I'm feeling or better yet how I've been feeling. They would probably just dismiss what I say and then I will feel small again. So I keep my emotions in and say nothing. Why do they always kick my teeth in with their words? Why do I care so much about what they think? I will find myself a quiet place and reflect on why they treat me the way they do and why I am always sad.
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